Friday, September 30, 2011

America's Growing Bromodrosis Crisis

A new study shows that 1/3rd of Americans (more than 33%) have Bromodrosis -- stinky feet. Half of them have extremely stinky feet.

Stinky feet are not only a personal issue. They effect a person's career, social life, and in fact, their very existence.

It's a huge epidemic that is poised to destroy our civilization.

Surveys show that a large segment of Americans are prejudiced against people with stinky feet.

"A lot of people at work have stinky feet," said Lance, a computer programmer from Seattle. "I can't stand working with them. I do everything possible to avoid them".

Yet, only 9% of Americans will tell someone if they have stinky feet.

Sally, a marketing assistant in Chicago concurs: "Some of my best friends have stinky feet. I feel sorry for them, but I just can't bring myself to tell them".

Why is it fair that people with naturally odorless feet have an advantage in life over people who's toe cheese smells like a rotting dead skunk?

The rich can afford Order-Eaters, foot powers and other treatments. But what about the poor? How about the homeless???? What about the socially dysfunctional, who don't realize just how much their feet really stink?

Aren't these people entitled to the same odorless feet as the rich?

Who will hire a person with stinky feet? How can they earn a living? How can they find dignity in their lives???

A person with stinky feet cannot truly be free.

It's very clear that the heartless free market won't solve this problem.

Leaving our Bromodrosis brethren to fend for themselves is not what America is all about.

The government must take action. It must take action now.

First, the government must immediately create a Department of Olfactory Wellness that will declare a new war on stinky feet and eradicate this plague on society once and for all.

Second, the government must also immediately place a tax on people who have naturally odorless feet and redistribute it to the wretched refuse so that can they achieve foot odor equality.

Third, the government needs to outlaw all forms of discrimination against people with stinky feet. It's just not right for someone to lose a job opportunity, let alone a sexual encounter because his or her feet smell like a pound of fermenting cabbage.

Only when we solve this dire problem, can all Americans truly be free.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Brilliant